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Trump Pitches Space Force To ‘Marine Core’


ALL RIGHT, LET’S GET INTO THE
NEWS, PRESIDENT TRUMP WAS IN SAN DIEGO
YESTERDAY GIVING A SPEECH TO ASSEMBLED MEMBERS OF THE MARINE
CORPS AND AT ONE POINT THE PRESIDENT SAID HE WANTS TO
CREATE A NEW BRANCH OF THE MILITARY THAT WOULD PATROL OUTER
SPACE. (LAUGHTER)
AND GET THIS, HE WANTS TO CALL IT THE SPACE FORCE. I’M NOT JOKING. (LAUGHTER)
SPACE FORCE. IT SOUNDS LIKE WHAT MY GRANDMA
CALLS STAR WARS. HOW IS THAT SPACE FORCE MOVIE? JAKE SKYTALKER STILL IN THIS
ONE? WELL, THIS IS SUCH A
DISAPPOINTMENT. THERE IS FINALLY A PRESIDENT WHO
WANTS TO BUILD SOMETHING AS COOL AS A SPACE ARMY AND SHOW HE
STILL SUCKS. (LAUGHTER)
HE THROWS OUT IDEAS, TRUMP THROWS OUT IDEAS LIKE A KID AT A
BIRTHDAY SLEEPOVER HIGH ON M & MS.
LET’S PLAY SPACE FORCE, PEW PEW PEW PEW PEW. BUT THE PRESIDENT DIDN’T STOP
THERE. IN THE SAME SPEECH TRUMP CLAIMED
THAT THE UNITED STATES WOULD BE GOING TO MARS, QUOTE, VERY SOON. DAMN THAT SPACE FORCE WORKS
FAST. TRUMP SAID THE UNITED STATES
SPACE PROGRAM WILL SOON BE GOING TO MARS. I GIVE HIM CREDIT FOR NOT
FOLLOWING THAT UP WITH AND THE MARTIANS ARE GOING TO PAY FOR
IT. (LAUGHTER)
BUT IN HIS REMARKS TRUMP ELUDED TO HILLARY CLINTON SAYING,
QUOTE, YOU WOULDN’T BE GOING TO MARS IF MY OPPONENT WON’T. YOU WOULDN’T EVEN BE THINKING
ABOUT IT. YEAH. YOU’RE ABSOLUTELY RIGHT. BECAUSE WE WOULD BE HAPPY TO
STAY HERE ON EARTH. (LAUGHTER)
IT SEEMS LIKE THOSE COMMENTS WERE OFF-THE-CUFF. AND WE WERE CURIOUS WHETHER ALL
THIS OUTER SPACE TALK WAS SOMETHING HIS SPEECH WRITERS HAD
PLANNED. HERE HE IS GIVING THE SPEECH. AND HERE IS THE REVERSE ANGLE
THAT SHOWS HIS NOTES. TAKE A LOOK. REMEMBER, DON’TING MENTION OUTER
SPACE IDEA. AN HERE’S A CARD FROM LATER IN
THE SPEECH, YOU MENTIONED IT, DIDN’T YOU. WHILE THE PRESIDENT WAS IN SAN
DIEGO HE EXAMINED SOME PROTOTYPES OF HIS PROPOSED
BORDER WALL WITH MEXICO. AND TRUMP REMARKED THAT THE WALL
MUST BE A TOUGH OBSTACLE BECAUSE PEOPLE TRYING TO CROSS THE
BORDER ARE QUOTE LIKE PROFESSIONAL MOUNTAIN CLIMBERS. HE THEN FOLLOWED THAT BY
ACCUSING THEM OF STEALING ALL OF OUR PROFESSIONAL MOUNTAIN
CLIMBING JOBS. TRUMP BASICALLY THINKS EVERYONE
TRYING TO GET INTO AMERICA ILLEGALLY IS SOME SORT OF
MEXICAN BATMAN. BUT LOOK, I’M NO BIG IDEA MAN
LIKE DONALD TRUMP, I’M NOT, OKAY. BUT OBVIOUSLY, OBVIOUSLY IF YOU
BUILD THE WALL HIGH ENOUGH, THE SPACE FORCE CAN JUST TAKE IT
FROM THERE. (LAUGHTER)
CAN’T THEY? IT WILL BE FINE. AND AFTER TRUMP LEFT SAN DIEGO
HE TWEETED A THANK YOU TO THE MARINES THAT HOSTED HIM BUT IN
TYPICAL TRUMP FASHION HE MADE A TYPO. HE TWEETED IT WAS MY GREAT HONOR
TO DELIVER A MESSAGE AT THE MARINE CORE C-O-R-E. INSTEAD OF C-O-R-P-S. ROOK, WE’RE HARD ON TRUMP ABOUT
HIS SPELLING, BUT ST AN EASY MISTAKE TO MAKE. ANY PERSON IN CHARGE OF THE
ENTIRE UNITED STATES MILITARY COULD HAVE DONE THE SAME. MARINE CORE– TRUMP ACTS LESS
LAKE A PRESIDENT AND MORE LIKE THAT GUY WHO BLOWS THE “WHEEL OF
FORTUNE” PUZZ WELL JUST ONE LETTER LEFT, HE’S LIKE PAT, I
WOULD LIKE TO SOLVE THE PUZZLE. IT’S THE EASTER BUGGY. (LAUGHTER)
AND FINALLY, THIS IS THE BIGGEST STORE OVER THE DAY, IT REALLY
WAS. I’M SURE YOU ALL SAWING IT, IT
WAS AMAZING TO WATCH, THIS MORNING STUDENTS AND TEACHERS
ACROSS THE COUNTRY HELD A MASS WALKOUT TO PROTEST GUN VIOLENCE. AND IT WAS REALLY AMAZING. (APPLAUSE)
TO WATCH 17– 17, THEY STOOD OUT THERE STUDENTS IN SOME DISTRICTS
WERE WARNED THAT THEY COULD FACE PUNISHMENT FOR WALKING OUT OF
THEIR CLASS. BUT POLITICIANS SHOULD KNOW IF
THEY TURN THEIR BACKS ON THESE STUDENTS, THEY COULD FACE
PUNISHMENT OF THEIR OWN. YOU KNOW, LIKE HAVING TO GET A
REAL JOB AFTER THE NEXT ELECTION. (LAUGHTER)
NOW IN SOLIDARITY WITH THE WALKOUT, SEVERAL CABLE NETWORKS
SUSPENDED REGULAR PROGRAMMING FOR 17 MINUTES. IT WAS AN AMAZING THING. SO FOR THOSE KEEPING SCORE AT
HOME, AS IT STANDS RIGHT NOW, COMEDY CENTRAL IS TOUGHER ON GUN
VIOLENCE THAN THE UNITED STATES GOVERNMENT. BUT IT WAS GREAT WORK, KIDS. AND WE ARE WITH EVERY SINGLE ONE
OF YOU.

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